How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
