at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
