No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
