dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize