So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
