Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Holy shit dude........stairs
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
