I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Randomize