I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
