worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
