CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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