Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize