Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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