just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
pray to the hookup gods
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
