We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
