Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think pants incapable of making pants work
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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