i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
