I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
