For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
