Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
