Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
