The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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