Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
