i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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