we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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