The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
