My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
