the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
