I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
