You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
