woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
