I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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