You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
