I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
