She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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