i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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