sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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