Screwed.edu
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize