her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
