Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
