i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
