i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Only a mothe r could love this liver
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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