Tell her she can't have a vagina
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
