Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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