The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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