Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
