I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
