I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
