R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
