I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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