my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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