Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
