Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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