i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This is classic penis vs brain.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
