thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
