I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
