i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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