How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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