So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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