Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
