Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
