Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize