i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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