I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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