He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
