Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
