You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
