I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
