positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize