It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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