I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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