Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
