I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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