is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
