how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
