I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
