Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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