Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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