Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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