shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
