I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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