Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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