he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
