I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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