Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
