once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
