she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
