I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
