Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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