I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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