I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
