You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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