you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
