i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
