I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
we're so committed to being not committed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
