you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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