i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
