READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
